:snerk:

[sexyscholar]

This is great.

The Drabble-Matic. It's like Mad Libs! You just fill in the blanks and VIOLA.

Go! Now!



The Ferret Prince

Ron was walking through a daunting meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a determined little ferret lying under a tree.

Ron skipped over to see the dear thing and was sleek to find that he was hurt! A knife had pierced his fervent little lip and he whimpered willingly with the pain.

"My wanton little friend," Ron said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the knife, as happily as he could. The ferret cried out and Ron's heart ached, like the sun smiles on a budding flower. "You'll be all right," Ron whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Draco and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Draco up in his arms, Ron carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Ron nursed Draco, cleaning his lip and feeding him Rose-brand ferret chow.

On the eighth night, Draco climbed into bed with Ron. He burrowed under the covers and wearily kissed Ron's ear. It made Ron giggle and he cuddled close to Draco, stroking his hand and singing hopefully to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Ron hurried home so he could curl up with Draco. It gave him a fiery feeling whenever Draco kissed his ear.

Then one night, Draco looked up at Ron and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a delicious prince."

Ron screamed quietly, he was so surprised. How could a ferret talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Draco said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Ron said and kissed Draco on his hand. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a delicious prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Draco," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Ron said.

"See?" Draco said and showed Ron the scar from the knife on his lip. Then he kissed Ron and they tumbled on the floor and did a lot of very lively things, some of them involving a passionate vase.

"I love you," Draco said when they were done. Ron clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Draco had stashed away.

And if Draco didn't know about Ron's visits to the ferret sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.

Comments

[stuckinsea.livejournal.com]

LOL. Your very own Draco/Ron crackfic. It's pretty sad that this would be the only mention of R/D in our world, huh? I still enjoyed it. Now off to do one of my own. We should all do a Ron one with someone, it would be an ode to Ron day. MWAH!

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

It's fabulous, isn't it?

"If you kiss me, I will become a delicious prince."

You sure will, honey. You sure will. ;)

[albadore.livejournal.com]

And viola? How about a nice cello instead. :oP


The Lesbian Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Charles Manson strode along the path, making for Semen-splattered Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Anal Huge black dildo, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Ball sack.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his ridiculously large genitaled transvestite prostitute just in time to face the incredibly tight man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck nipple-twistingly, and Charles Manson barely raised his transvestite prostitute to meet the attack. They fought long and inappropriately until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Charles Manson found himself forced to one knee, the man's transvestite prostitute pressed to his tap-dancing foreskin. "I am Danny Devito of Semen-splattered Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Anal Huge black dildo. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you up a hobo's rectum."

But Charles Manson had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his transvestite prostitute with a twist, overpowered Danny Devito and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Charles Manson said, looking down upon him.

Danny Devito's left nipple shimmered like a wet and greasy fart with the ever-present danger of an accidental watery shit sneaking out. "I have underestimated you, Charles Manson. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Charles Manson's desire was enflamed. His foreskin throbbed and all his thoughts were to buttfuck Danny Devito like a ground squirrel. Charles Manson caressed Danny Devito's hairy left nipple and he responded. They came together weepily, and their joining was as inflatable as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet porcupine!" Charles Manson groaned and buttfucked Danny Devito as overcautiously as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Charles Manson said. "That's where I put the Anal Huge black dildo for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed sarcastically on the grass, forgetful of all but their godlike love. "We will stay together forever," Danny Devito said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Ball sack never got the Anal Huge black dildo and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

LOOOOOOOOOL x 1 bazillion

[albadore.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link. What a hoot!

[rupert-talley.livejournal.com]

I usually don't care for crack!fics, but it was very cute. Thanks.

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

The Drabble-Matic is awesome. Try it! :)

[happyville.livejournal.com]

LMFAO.

HOW AMAZING WAS THAT. I did a few Fred/Draco ones, none of which made sense, and they involved Fred's inner thigh trembling @ Draco being his brother, and then they proceeded to literally beat each other up all night long. Suggestively.

Er.

omg i should at least try to get better at these but i just can't

[happyville.livejournal.com]

I Saw Draco Kissing Santa Claus

Fred woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one indecent box that looked like a dumpster.

Then Fred noticed that Draco was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Fred thought that he would surprise Draco. Maybe even sneak up behind him and beat him on his shifty earlobe. That always made Draco malicious.

Fred crept hungrily down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its suggestive lights, and the presents, heaped up flirtatiously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Draco. Kissing someone.

Fred was so angry, he picked up a table from a table and threw it sensously on a statue chiseled out of gold.

They both looked around.

"Draco, you delightful puppy!" Fred yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Fred looked and then rubbed his bottom lip and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Draco said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what an arousing kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Fred said posessively. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be vulgar."

That seemed reasonable. Fred went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like the endless cesspool of sewer next to WWW's that always put a damper on his good mood. He made Fred's inner thigh feel all indignant.

"You see?" Draco said nastily and Fred saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

-

BAD CHOICE OF ADJECTIVES. AND VERBS. AND OBJECTS. lolol

And what a random 'ship I chose. o.O

Re: omg i should at least try to get better at these but i just can't

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

It's so wonderfully crack-ish!

"Draco, you delightful puppy!" Fred yelled.

For some reason, I can hear Fred saying that. O.o

[happyville.livejournal.com]

That reminds me, re: your icon, I need to play the sims 2 again... and create a lil ron/draco...

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

Oh, you must -- they're so much fun. My Ron & Draco have had 10 children together (God bless the pregnancy cheat!), nine girls and one boy. They're so cute pregnant.

Draco's also saved his beloved from the Grim Reaper. It was awesome.

Somewhere way back when, in the Fire & Ice community, I posted pictures of my Sims. I'll have to see if I can find them. :p

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

Whooha! I found my Sims posts...it didn't take nearly as much searching as I thought it would.

A little background on them here, pictures!, and more pictures!

Methinks I have way too much time invested in this pairing...

It is the shoe, and Draco is the hen.

[interluck.livejournal.com]

hello! sorry to randomly appear on your journal like this, but i've been truffling around for satisfying ron/draco fic lately, found this post, did the drabble generator, and had so much fun with the results that i thought you wouldn't mind too horribly if i shared them with you. :> aside from the green hen, green earlobe, and the shivering bedpost, it all came out mostly weirdly appropriate, especially with it being ron and draco and romeo and juliet and all. effing madlibs, it's like they just know sometimes.

Ron and Draco
by William Shakespeare

Enter Ron

Draco appears above at a window

Ron:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the shoe, and Draco is the hen.
Arise, green hen, and stroke the sticky kettle.
See, how he leans his cock upon his collarbone!
O, that I were a glove upon that collarbone,
That I might touch that cock!

Draco:
O Ron, Ron! wherefore art thou Ron?
What's in a name? That which we call an earlobe
By any other name would smell as pungent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "as a leaky faucet drips slowly, steadily, and stubbornly through the dead of night in that annoying way that always manages to wake you up in the middle of the best part of a really spectacular dream"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove beaming.

Ron:
Swain, by yonder sticky kettle I swear
That tips in the clouds the shivering bedpost--

Draco:
O, swear not by the kettle, the hot kettle,
That heatedly changes in its glowing orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise glowing.
Sweet, whispering night! A thousand times whispering night!
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say whispering night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Ron:
Sleep dwell upon thy cock, peace in thy collarbone!
Would I were sleep and peace, so gently to rest!
softly will I to my green earlobe's cell,
Its help to stroke, and my pungent earlobe to tell.

Re: It is the shoe, and Draco is the hen.

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

Hello! :waves:

I'm so glad you shared this with me, because this is the BEST POEM EVER. SERIOUSLY EVER.

That I might touch that cock!

I may never stop laughing. Or wishing it to come true... >_>