People I Can Do Without by George Carlin

[sexyscholar]

• A stranger on the train who wants to tell me about their bowel movements.


• A crying woman with a harpoon gun entering a sports bar.


• Any man with a birthmark shaped like a hypodermic needle.


• Anyone who takes off work on Ted Bundy's birthday.


• A priest with an eyepatch and a limp who's selling pieces of the cross.


• Any woman who repeatedly gives me a high five during sex.


• A cross-eyed man in a New Year's hat reciting "Casey at the Bat" in Latin.


• Any guy named "Dogmeat" whose body has over six square feet of scar tissue. [*snerk*]


• A girl whose wallet contains nude photos of Sam Donaldson or Yassir Arafat.


• Any couple who owns "his and hers" rectal thermometers.


• Anyone who gets plastic surgery in an attempt to look more intelligent.


• Anyone who refers to Charles Manson as "Chuck."


• Anyone who receives e-mail from Willard Scott.


• A retarded twelve-year-old who carries more than six books of matches.


• Any man who gives himself a Harvey Wallbanger enema. On the rocks.


• A homely, flat-chested woman wearing a "Foxy Lady" t-shirt.


• Any person bleeding from three orifices who wants me to cosign for a loan.


• Guys in their 50s named "Skip."


• A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin.


• A Boy Scout leader who owns a dildo shop.


• People with big gums and small teeth.


• Anyone who uses the word "Jesus" more than 300 times in a two minute conversation.


• A dentist with blood in his hair.

---

And on that note, I bid thee goodnight.

Comments

[bollucks2ewe.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaaaaaaah. that just made me feel so much better. *grumbles* i hate being sick...

my favorite is, Any woman who repeatedly gives me a high five during sex.