sexyscholar | (no subject)

So.

Last night, I watched "FeardotCom."

Please for to someone tell me where I can find Moshe Diamant & Josephine Coyle (the writers) and William Malone (the director)?

I need to stab little fish forks into them, eventually gouging out their eyes, until they promise to issue a formal apology for that movie.

I can barely tolerate ~~Deacon Frost~~ Stephen Dorff. And this was not one of those tolerable performances. Then there was the lead "actress." I never seen anything else she's done, nor do I care to. All I know is, this couldn't act her way out of a fucking paper bag.

Okay. The premise was an interesting idea. I will give it that, but that's all I'm giving. Now, if they'd only actually conceived a storyline to go along with it.

There's this site, that if people watch it, they'll die in 48 hours. In the worst way they can imagine. It's never explained HOW this works. The Ring is essentially the same idea, but Daveigh Chase as Samara makes it a bit more watchable. You get lead on a lot of different plot lines, but they never go anywhere. That frustrates me. These aren't red herrings, either. They just stop. Kind of "oh well, forget that scene. Let's try this one."

And did I mention that the main players are the DUMBEST FUCKING PEOPLE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE? Oh. I hadn't. Well, now you know.

The victim, whom I shall refer to affectionately as "Stupid Bitch," is being videotaped during her day-to-day life by a man she doesn't know. And she doesn't seem terribly phased by the fact that he's doing so. He proceeds to tell her that she's an excellent leading lady. Or something.

Warning 1 - Creepy man with video camera...

He tells her he's making a short film (I think that's what it was), and asks her if she'd like to come by to this theatre to see it. He gives her a card with the address.

Warning 2 - Creepy man with video camera making movie wants you to come by to see it...

So, S.B. goes to the place. It's in a deserted alley. There doesn't look like there's been activity (even roaches steer clear of this joint, folks) for quite sometime. She goes ALONE.

Warning 3 - Creepy man, video camera, "theatre," deserted alley, alone. And shit.

What happens when she goes in? Well, S.B. is kidnapped and held hostage where she shall be tortured and mutilated for the website! Oh no! *Home Alone look*

Now, back to Deacon and Non-Acting Woman. They apparently fall in love after they've known each other for about 15 minutes. They figure out that the deaths and the website are somehow linked. NAW begs Deacon, who I call "FuckWit," not to look at the website.

So what does FW do as soon as he gets to a monitor? He goes to the Feardotcom.com website, of course. Does he die at the end? Of course he does.

But not before we get to see, in all its "glory," Dr. Evil Doktor (played by Stephen Rea, the pain-in-the-butt vampire in "Interview With") get his comeuppance. And shit.

Then NAW is broken-hearted over the death over FW, because, well, they've shared so many General Foods International Coffee moments, apparently. That Jean-Luc.

I'd hoped that my retinas would have burned out from this. Then I could hemorrage from my eyesockets, and not have to see it anymore.

Why did I watch the whole thing? Well, I was hoping God would come down and smite them all at the end. I figure that's the only way it can end, because I've forgotten that I'm supposed to care about these nuckfuts.

No such luck.