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Dec. 15th, 2003 12:03 pmSo...
I saw this movie called "Zardoz" last night. Well, not all of it, I had to go to sleep -- but I saw a good part of it, and I have to tell you, it is a crying shame that Best Brains didn't get the rights to this flick.
First thing I see are these men riding horses and whipping people. The men riding horses reminded me of the Frito Bandito, except all they were wearing were their bullets and these upsetting red loincloth/diapers. I thought "This is prime MSTie fodder without question." Imagine my shock and dismay when I see that one of these Frito Banditos is Sean Connery.
O_o
Sean mutha fuckin' Connery. Not only does he have his red bullets and his red loincloth/diaper, but he's got this long 'Adrian Paul as the Highlander' ponytail...and fluffy muttonchops. Why? I wish I knew.
The movie (what I saw of it, anyway) was so bizzare. It takes place in 2293...I think. Zed (Sean C.) is this captive savage, I guess.
The society, the Eternals, is a bunch of extremely wiry, androgynous-y White people with intensely bad hairdos. They don't age past their mid-twenties. There are no Black people (I guess we finally destroyed ourselves).
All of the old people are left in this deserted area. Because all old people are crazy, apparently. There are several scenes with these manic senior citizens biting and gnashing and beating each other with their canes and crutches. When crimes are committed, people are sentenced to age; the number of years to be determined by the severity of the crime. Getting old really sucks in the 23rd century.
The society is matriarchal, because the men -- I wish I was kidding about this -- can't get it up anymore. In fact, there's a scene where they decide to use Zed as a lab rat to determine the link between -- God, I love this -- erotic stimulation & erections. They show a series of clips, one of a woman squeezing her naked, soapy boobs, one of two naked women mud-wrestling, and finally a series of these blue lines which does the trick, apparently, as everyone starts peeking at Zed's package. Thank universe they didn't show me that.
I mentioned that the men are effete, right? Did I mention that they are so limp that the boys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would be telling them to butch up? These men are really REALLY effeminate. It doesn't help the all of the women seem to be profoundly flat-chested. Despite the flat-chestedness, the movie has no problems showing them in their naked IBTC* glory. I tell ya, it gets to a point where you can't tell them apart.
Then there are my favorite people. They're called the "Apathetics." I shit you not. The "Apathetics" are the walking comatose, that's the only way I can describe it. They just stand there and stare blankly. Like your run-of-the-mill supermodel. Basically, they can't handle being immortal and they go on full zap-time. At one point, Zed decides that he needs some sexual healing and starts groping one of the Apathetics. He gets pissed because she doesn't respond, and starts breaking things. This happens a lot. Savages break things.
In another scene, Zed runs from the Eternals and hides in the Apathetics camp. One of them (the one he tried to put the moves on), takes some of his sweat and eats it. This bring her "back to life" and she passes the sweat from her finger, and a guy Ap tastes it and it does the same for him. So girl Ap kisses Zed, which really gets her going. She kisses another girl...who kisses a guy...who kisses another guy, until it becomes one big kissing orgy and then they start writhing around Zed and zapping his life force.
It was at this point that I had to go to bed. As disturbing as I found it, I hope it comes on again, so I can try to figure out what the hell is going on.
It's directed by John Boorman. The same guy the made "Deliverance."
More movie stuff:
I got PotC over the weekend. Just about anything can be healed by Johnny Depp in eyeliner.
I finally saw "Phone Booth." It seemed rather disjointed, but that was probably the point. Forest Whitaker was an odd choice to play the "tough police captain." Just my opinion, of course.
Another odd choice, though you all know how I adore him, was Kiefer as the caller. I mean, I would think that part of the movie's mystery should be that the audience doesn't have a clue who the sniper is. The Keef has one of the most recognisable voices ever, so I'm a little confused on that choice.
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him nonetheless... *melts*
*Itty Bitty Titty Committee
I saw this movie called "Zardoz" last night. Well, not all of it, I had to go to sleep -- but I saw a good part of it, and I have to tell you, it is a crying shame that Best Brains didn't get the rights to this flick.
First thing I see are these men riding horses and whipping people. The men riding horses reminded me of the Frito Bandito, except all they were wearing were their bullets and these upsetting red loincloth/diapers. I thought "This is prime MSTie fodder without question." Imagine my shock and dismay when I see that one of these Frito Banditos is Sean Connery.
O_o
Sean mutha fuckin' Connery. Not only does he have his red bullets and his red loincloth/diaper, but he's got this long 'Adrian Paul as the Highlander' ponytail...and fluffy muttonchops. Why? I wish I knew.
The movie (what I saw of it, anyway) was so bizzare. It takes place in 2293...I think. Zed (Sean C.) is this captive savage, I guess.
The society, the Eternals, is a bunch of extremely wiry, androgynous-y White people with intensely bad hairdos. They don't age past their mid-twenties. There are no Black people (I guess we finally destroyed ourselves).
All of the old people are left in this deserted area. Because all old people are crazy, apparently. There are several scenes with these manic senior citizens biting and gnashing and beating each other with their canes and crutches. When crimes are committed, people are sentenced to age; the number of years to be determined by the severity of the crime. Getting old really sucks in the 23rd century.
The society is matriarchal, because the men -- I wish I was kidding about this -- can't get it up anymore. In fact, there's a scene where they decide to use Zed as a lab rat to determine the link between -- God, I love this -- erotic stimulation & erections. They show a series of clips, one of a woman squeezing her naked, soapy boobs, one of two naked women mud-wrestling, and finally a series of these blue lines which does the trick, apparently, as everyone starts peeking at Zed's package. Thank universe they didn't show me that.
I mentioned that the men are effete, right? Did I mention that they are so limp that the boys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would be telling them to butch up? These men are really REALLY effeminate. It doesn't help the all of the women seem to be profoundly flat-chested. Despite the flat-chestedness, the movie has no problems showing them in their naked IBTC* glory. I tell ya, it gets to a point where you can't tell them apart.
Then there are my favorite people. They're called the "Apathetics." I shit you not. The "Apathetics" are the walking comatose, that's the only way I can describe it. They just stand there and stare blankly. Like your run-of-the-mill supermodel. Basically, they can't handle being immortal and they go on full zap-time. At one point, Zed decides that he needs some sexual healing and starts groping one of the Apathetics. He gets pissed because she doesn't respond, and starts breaking things. This happens a lot. Savages break things.
In another scene, Zed runs from the Eternals and hides in the Apathetics camp. One of them (the one he tried to put the moves on), takes some of his sweat and eats it. This bring her "back to life" and she passes the sweat from her finger, and a guy Ap tastes it and it does the same for him. So girl Ap kisses Zed, which really gets her going. She kisses another girl...who kisses a guy...who kisses another guy, until it becomes one big kissing orgy and then they start writhing around Zed and zapping his life force.
It was at this point that I had to go to bed. As disturbing as I found it, I hope it comes on again, so I can try to figure out what the hell is going on.
It's directed by John Boorman. The same guy the made "Deliverance."
More movie stuff:
I got PotC over the weekend. Just about anything can be healed by Johnny Depp in eyeliner.
I finally saw "Phone Booth." It seemed rather disjointed, but that was probably the point. Forest Whitaker was an odd choice to play the "tough police captain." Just my opinion, of course.
Another odd choice, though you all know how I adore him, was Kiefer as the caller. I mean, I would think that part of the movie's mystery should be that the audience doesn't have a clue who the sniper is. The Keef has one of the most recognisable voices ever, so I'm a little confused on that choice.
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him nonetheless... *melts*
*Itty Bitty Titty Committee
